It's not nice to be small. It's a bit nice that cind old people love to use me and them showing the kids how to use me. Then someone grabs me they put me down on a pin they grab a long steal stick. Then they wacked me with all their might "Ouch Wach it.". I was flying so high I was like an airplane then I was going down like a meteorite to earth and then I was skidding towards a mini hole. I was leaning to go into it then score hole in one. It's not so bad being a golf ball.
Feedback/feedforward:I like the story and simile next time you could describe more of the ball and the golf stick.
Evaluation: I think I do need to talk about the ball even more and the golf stick info.
I like the simile you used Ross. Words like whacked and skidded are great words to add impact for your audience. Well done.
ReplyDeleteI feel that you started to use 'and then' a bit much towards the end of your story. How could you change this in your next story?